Merry Christmas 2012

It's Christmas day and I haven't written the annual Christmas letter yet. So, while Jason and the kids are out skiing (we do live in Switzerland), I thought I better write the annual letter. Jason cautioned me to keep it just to the facts and not try for humor. I guess he's been traveling so much that he's forgotten that the facts about our family are humorous.

So, as I am an obedient, subservient kind of a wife (only the truth in this letter), here are true things that happened this year. No embellishments and no attempts to be funny. Only real stories. Think of it as a documentary about the Lucas Family:

January

Jason gets to visit the inside of a Turkish Emergency Room, after he was bitten by a stray dog. The medical person who gave him his rabies shot, smokes a cigarette while performing the injection.

I receive this text from Jason, after a transatlantic flight: The woman next to me put deodorant on multiple times during the flight. Roll-on.

A visit to the Basel zoo results in a penguin trying to eat my bag

I wake up in the morning to find the toilet seat on the bathroom floor. It was on the toilet when I went to sleep the night before. I'm pretty sure nobody broke in, ripped the toilet seat off the toilet and left, locking the door behind him. So, three possibilities: Daniel, Sarah, or I've started sleep toilet destroying.

Jason attends a big sales conference that included a lot of alcohol. One of his employees (who undoubtedly had been drinking) said to him, "Your wife can be secure--with those tablecloth shirts you wear you'll never hook up."

February

In another example of my gracefulness, I manage to super glue my hand to Daniel's stroller.

Best FHE activity ever--we took the lost sock basket and had a contest for who could match the most socks. 51 pairs matched. About 15 unmatched socks left over.

Sarah and I talking, after she got home from ski camp:
Me: I'm so happy to have you home!
Sarah: I miss ski camp

March

Suzanne took a Facebook break and therefore, recorded no events.

April

Daniel asks the following question: When I was a prophet, why did the King throw me into the lions? Are lions my friends?

Jason gets pulled over by the police--on his bike. They even said, "Step away from the bike!" 2 Police officers, they tested his bell to make sure it worked and gave him a 30 Frank ticket for riding his bike in the wrong area.

We have a religious conversation with Daniel:
Daniel: what happens to dead people?
Me: their spirits go live with Heavenly Father and their bodies are buried in the ground
Jason: or burned
Daniel: or they can grow a beard!

May

Daniel turns 4!

Jason has a rat run across his feet in the Mumbai airport. He ponders burning his shoes.

We add a new member to our family: A floor vacuuming robot.

June

Sarah super glues her feet together

Our Family Home Evening lesson on the gifts of the spirit devolves into a discussion of brain squishing.

July

Sarah quote: I'm one half fish, one half mountain marmot, and one half monkey. I realize the math doesn't work on that, but since when can fish add?

We visit the US and introduce the children to Pop Tarts. This results in the following question from Sarah: What exactly are you supposed to do with Pop Tarts? Just eat them straight or what?

August

Sarah turns 9!

We go for a walk around a local cemetery. Have the following conversation with Daniel:

Daniel: We should buy our own cemetery.

Jason: What would we do with our own cemetery?

Daniel: Put dead people in it.

Jason: Where would we get dead people?

Daniel: In old houses.

Jason: Are there dead people in old houses?

Daniel: Yes.

Jason: And what are they doing?

Daniel: Just lying there with their arms out. (demonstrates) Some have their tongues out. They just lay there until the cemetery workers come to get them.

A news report comes out that says men, when stressed at work, prefer fatter women. I immediately begin eating in order to make Jason's life better.

September:

Sarah successfully convinces gym teacher that gym clothes are against our religion. Busted by principal who thinks to ask me about our religion.

Daniel makes a craft at school. It's a bomb that "makes the enemies get dead.” Because we live in Switzerland rather than the US, the teacher realizes that cardboard is unlikely to kill anyone and simply teaches him the German word for bomb.

October:

Jason texts me to ask if I want a Harry Potter Snuggie.

Sarah, in a fit of fiery indignation because she's being forced to go out with the rest of us: You just want me to be a part of this family!

November:

Daniel learns a Swiss German word that means a man who is being obnoxious while peeing.

We carve turnips, put candles inside them and go to parade of turnips.

December:

Jason has a dentist appointment. When he arrives they handed him scrubs to change into. "This is different," he thought. Then they opened a changing room for him, where he was greeted by another patient (male) wearing only underpants. "You can just change with him!" says the receptionist cheerily.

Merry (late) Christmas and Happy New Year!

Love

Jason, Suzanne, Sarah, Daniel and the robot.